Dog Dreams and Sales Targets

I was watching Alice Pancakes twitch in her sleep. I wondered, “Is the weirdness of dreams linked to waking intelligence at all? What about for dogs?”

There have been times where I ‘ve awakened from some profoundly weird dreams that were weird enough that I thought about them for a couple of days. Weird enough that I had to ask friends what they thought.*1Something that weird has to come from somewhere and mean something, doesn’t it?

What happens if a dog has a dream that weird? Can a dog even have a dream that weird? Is the weirdness relative to an animal’s IQ? Like maybe for a dog, a profoundly weird dream would involve flying, whereas, for humans, a flying dream is cool.*2…and too rare, in my experience. If there’s a God, I can’t even imagine what it would dream about. I don’t have the intelligence.

Do dogs dream that they can fly?*3I bet cats do because they kind of can. Cats probably dream about killing things, so they need to fly and drive Mad Max cars and shit like that

Do they have recurring dreams? Do they have recurring dreams of flying? Do they have dreams that, while not recurring, share a theme like a specific location or activity?

Do you watch your dog twitch while he’s sleeping/dreaming? Do you assume he’s playing at the park or chasing squirrels? Or do you assume, as I do, that while his meat machine is still here on earth, there’s some sort of quantum entanglement going on between his consciousness and his meat, so despite the fact that his awake consciousness is currently powering a different meat machine in another dimension, there’s some signal leak into the sleeping one in our dimension. When his legs twitch here it’s because he’s running in the other dimension.

Even if a dog could make English language sounds, would we understand what they were talking about? Or is their reality completely different (but complementary) from ours? If a dog could speak, would it be gibberish to us? Or would her ideas sound like utter madness?

Anyway, this is the kind of thing that prevents me from having a successful career in the business world. I’m thinking about things like this while the boss is talking to me about sales targets and other “important” businessy things. I’m hardly ever NOT thinking about stuff like this.

It’s not that I’m easily distracted.

It’s the opposite.

I’m difficult to engage.

You need to bring brain food to the conversation. While I love having conversational deep-dives about music and comedy, I’m agnostic regarding the topic if the person I’m speaking with has a good take on any subject.

I like to talk, but even more than that I like to listen and ask questions of people who know a lot about something I know nothing about and have a cool and enthusiastic way of explaining it. Everything is interesting to me. Unless the topic is sales targets. Then I don’t give a shit no matter what.


Footnotes   [ + ]

1. Something that weird has to come from somewhere and mean something, doesn’t it?
2. …and too rare, in my experience.
3. I bet cats do because they kind of can. Cats probably dream about killing things, so they need to fly and drive Mad Max cars and shit like that

Goals For 2018

Here’s what I’m aiming to get done in 2018

  1. I’m going to go offline for a 24 hour period once a week – Saturday evening through Sunday evening. Phone calls will be answered, but that’s it; no social media or texts or anything like that. We’re going to go to movies and have game nights and go for walks and such. I also need more time dedicated to reading.
  2. “He does not suffer fools gladly”. I want people to say this about me. To that end, I pledge to be less accepting of nonsense. I predict there will be some crying involved because I see absolutely no reason to be gentle when assaulted with stupidity. I will be bringing a gun to all knife fights.
  3. I’ve seen a few videos on Facebook in which people assigned themselves 100 days to accomplish something, then they track their progress and post it. It’s essentially crowdsourced motivation. This seems do-able, even for a lazy prick like me, so I’m going to try it with the following:
    1. Going to try juggling and card tricks again…
      They didn’t get a fair shake in 2017
    2. Planks and pushups…
      Let’s see if I can get some muscle tone back in this old body. At the very least, improved core strength should help with my posture and general well being. I like the idea of being physically intimidating as well as intellectually intimidating. It’s not bullying if people are scared of you because of their own insecurities.
    3. Cursive writing…
      I’ve recently developed a love of fountain pens. I’d like to have the kind of handwriting that compliments a quality writing instrument.
    4. Sweep picking on the guitar…
      This has no practical value for me other than to show off to my friends and anyone who might be listening at the music store, so if anything has to be sacrificed because of time limitations, this will be the first to be abandoned. I’m pretty adept at finger tapping, but my right-hand technique has always been sub-par. I’m fixin’ to rectify that.
    5. Banjo…
      I got a banjo for my birthday a few years back. While I’ve noodled around with it a bit and can fart out something resembling music, I’ve never really dedicated myself to getting the finger rolls going. That’s where the cool, Earl Scruggs sounds are.

Merry new year, ya’ll. Let’s plan on grabbing a coffee or lunch soon.