Lush used to make this soap for men that contained beer (logical, but somewhat redundant), frankincense (whatever that is) and – get this – gold. Not gold colouring or flavouring, but actual gold.

As I was showering one day, the following thought occurred to me: If there is anything that clearly delineates the line between the have’s and have-nots on this planet, it is soap made out of gold. It is disturbing that there are billions of souls who have no access to something as simple as fresh water or basic health care, and yet here I am washing my anus with gold.

Doorman at “The Manger: Baby Jesus, you have four visitors. Wise-men from the east…and one from the North East. One has brought you the gift of myrrh. Another has brought you frankincense. The third has brought you gold. And the fourth has brought you his anus.

Me (in the voice of Pauly Shore): yeeeeeaaaaaah buddy! Smell it. SMELL IT!