Sign, sign, everywhere a sign…

That seahorse’s feet don’t even reach the pedals.

In Ayeland, all pizza is breakfast pizza.

They’re just laying there. They’re not active pants, they’re lazy pants.

Blockin’ out the scenery, breakin’ my mind…

Alice has a curly tail, so her sheriff’s badge is always visible. Because she’s usually facing me when she barks, I didn’t know until she was barking at the neighbour last week that her pooper puckers up when she barks. Like grandma coming in for a kiss.

Do this, don’t do that…

A lot of the time when I mention a job I’d like to do, the response is “I know you. You’d hate that”.

IT project management? “You’d hate that”.

Freelance writing? “You’d hate that”.

Carpentry? “You’d hate that”.

I’m having a hard enough time with this employment situation I find myself in without that kind of “encouragement”. Here’s the thing; lots of people are trying to make me a version of them. I know it comes from a place of caring and wanting to help, but fewer people are trying to make me the best version of me.

To those of you who are encouraging me to write more and musician more and comedy more, thank you. I love you. To those of you encouraging me to sit in a cubicle all day with a beige haircut and beige clothes, please stop. I’m happy you’re happy living like that but I don’t want to be on Team Business Casual.

Money is important, but it’s not everything. I can live on less if I’m happy with my work most of the time. Would I enjoy lots of money? Absolutely. Will I do ANYTHING to make lots of money. Absolutely not.

Can’t you read the signs?…

I feel like people who constantly say “people are so stupid” are actually saying “why doesn’t everyone do things the way I do things?”.

Since I don’t always do things “the normal way”, I usually assume that those comments are aimed at me, indirectly.

Sorry*1not sorry for ruining your day. I’ll try to be more like you*2no I won’t.

Aye’s Book Club…

The Heroin Diaries by Nikki Sixx
Scar Tissue by Anthony Kiedis

If you want to keep someone you love from doing drugs, get them to read one or both of these books. They are unvarnished, unflinching accounts of what it’s like to be a heroin addict. There’s no “look at me, I’m a hedonistic rock star” attitude. The stories are dirty and disturbing. You’ll want to take a shower after every chapter.

These guys are lucky to be alive*3Nikki literally died and was brought back by doctors, and they both know it.

No need to be a Crüe fan or an RHCP fan. These are stories about real humans who just happen to be famous musicians.

That’s this week’s dispatch. See you next Tuesday.


Footnotes   [ + ]

1. not sorry
2. no I won’t
3. Nikki literally died and was brought back by doctors