Yesterday a friend of mine posed the following question on Facebook; “What should a man over 30 not do?”

My friend is a radio host, so he has a lot of “friends”. I usually don’t comment on his status updates because the flood of inane and sycophantic replies he gets means I also get those replies in the form of email notifications. It hurts my brain to read them. My friend is a funny and smart guy. His listeners? Not so much. So I pick my spots.

"You have milky discharge leaking out of your anus. It resembles ejaculate, but contains fecal matter. Did you engage in anal intercourse? That's against God. The penis must only be inserted into the vagina."

When he asked the question mentioned above, one answer came to me immediately (pun completely intended); “get caught masturbating by their parents”. I dunno…it struck me as funny. You see it and hear it referenced in movies and TV shows frequently, so it’s certainly not an original idea. It’s still funny though.

Anyway, it seems a couple of people were amused but the word “masturbating” was deemed too dirty so my comment was unceremoniously dusted. That’s fine because it meant I wasn’t subjected to 69 more comments that never got any better than “walk around in their underwear LOL!!!”. Those of you who’ve been here before know that merely having an LOL and too many exclamation marks in a sentence provokes a vitriolic reaction from me. So getting dusted was probably for the best.

Now that I know “masturbate” is a no-go, I’ll be dropping it in on my friends status updates in the future. Also queued up – either stand-alone or in combination – are anus, vagina, penis, intercourse, fecal matter, ejaculate and milky discharge. All words used by doctors, but none will be permitted on my buddy’s Facebook I suspect.

This is the kind of thing that amuses me for a few minutes.