Last weekend, Alice got her second set of vaccinations. I asked our veterinarian if it was OK to take her out now, and she it was fine as long as we stuck to sidewalks and didn’t go to the off-leash park*1We can do that after the third set of vaccinations.

So now when I get home from work, I take Alice to the mailbox, which is about 100 feet from our house.


Me: Alice! Let’s go for a walk.


Me: Sit!

Alice Why?

Me: So I can put your collar on.

Alice: OK, but hurry!

Me: Good girl 🙂 Let’s go.

Alice: I’m gonna jump in the snow. Super fun! What’s this?

Me: Sidewalk.

Alice: Why’s it called that?

Me: Because…

Alice: What’s this?

Me: Ice.

Alice: It’s cold. I’m gonna lick it.

Me: No don’t…

Alice: Yuck. I’m gonna go look at that thing. What’s that?

Me: It’s a puddle.

Alice: How’d it get there? I’m gonna drink it!

Me: NO! It’s dirty and has all kinds of yucky stuff in it.

Alice: Then I’m gonna walk in it.

Me: NO! Awwww…you just had a bath…

Distance: 20 feet

Alice: Hey look at that!

Me: Wait…

Alice: What is this? It smells weird.

Me: It’s an old glove that somebody lost.

Alice: Can I eat it?

Me: No.


Me: Good.


Me: Yes.

Alice: I gotta pee. Is here OK?

Me: Well, it’s somebody else’s lawn but…

Alice: They won’t mind *pees*

Me: Fine.

Alice: Where are we going?

Me: To get the mail.

Alice: What’s that?

Me: It’s kind of hard to explain.

Alice: I’m smart. Tell me.

Me: OK. It’s paper that someone…


Distance: 40 feet

Me: Get off the road!

Alice: Why? What’s a road?

Me: It’s what you’re standing…

Alice: HEY LOOK! A tree! I know what that is! I like them. I’m gonna smell it.

Me: Yes.

Alice: What’s this?

Me: A car…a magic flying box…

Alice: It looks different from our magic flying box.

Me: Yes.

Alice: Can we go in it and go see my friend the vet?

Me: No. It doesn’t belong to us.

Alice: That’s stupid. Everybody should share everything. I would let them play with my toys.

Me: I know, but humans are kind of…


Me: It’s probably best if you don’t…

*cat runs for its life*

Alice: awwwww 🙁

Me: Maybe he….

Alice: More ice! I’m licking it.

Me: NO!

Distance: 60 feet

Alice: Are we there yet?

Me: No.

Alice: What are we doing again?

Me: Going for the mail.

Alice: Cool. Are we there yet?

Me: No.

Alice: PUDDLE!

Me: Please…

Alice: What’s over there?

Me: That’s Kelvin’s truck.

Alice: Does it fly? It looks like our flying box but different.

Me: Yes, it…

Alice: I’m gonna jump in the snow!

Me: Ok.

Alice: I’m done.

Me: I can see that.

Alice: Is that the mail?

Me: No. That’s a Tim Hortons coffee cup.

Alice: But it’s paper. You said mail was paper.

Me: Yes but…

Distance: 80 feet

Alice: I’m going back home.

Me: No. You have to stay with me.

Alice: OK!

Me: Let’s cross the street here.


Me: Watch out for that…

Alice: PUDDLE!

Me: Yes.

Alice: Hey this sidewalk feels different.

Me: That’s because it’s a road, Not a sidewalk.

Alice: Weeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrd.

Me: I guess.

Alice: Are we there yet?

Me: Yes.

Distance: 100 feet

Alice: Let me see the mails.

Me: Here…

Alice: Can I chew that?

Me: I’d rather you didn’t.

Alice: OK! Hey! Llookit that bush!

Me: I’m lookiting.

“Alice Pancakes: Return From The Mailbox”coming to theatres in 2018.

Footnotes   [ + ]

1. We can do that after the third set of vaccinations